The Innocent Nightclub

The atmosphere was electric with anticipation. Music pulsed from hidden speakers, jarring the heart and vibrating the lungs. DJ churning fast-paced tunes; the dancers’ thirst unrequited. The dance floor undulated like anemone in the currents washing over a reef.  An occasional errant dancer bounced around as if the floor was glowing coals.  A typical Saturday evening at a local club brought together an eclectic gathering of revelers.  The bar was bustling; patrons double-parked, crowding the aisle between the restaurant and the piano bar.  In a separate room filled to capacity, the pianist played show tunes and patrons sang lustfully.

Dancers spilled out onto the veranda to cool overheated bodies. The typical weekend blowing off steam from the frustrations of the workweek was anything but typical.  Sitting in a rattan chair situated on the outskirts of the monolithic crowd I surveyed the activity.  Everyone was enjoying the evening without incident.  Men and women danced, together and in groups.  Everyone respected their tiny bastion of active space.  As bar patrons moved through the dance floor destined for the veranda, dancers parted kindly. This was a safe place; a place anyone could come to enjoy an evening of fun and conversation without incident.  No testosterone sprays; no overexposed bodies and no overt courting activities.  This was a place where the vocally endowed could showcase their capabilities before an admiring audience of friends and acquaintances.  A place where old friendships were rekindled and new friendships formed.

I like the place; frequented it. I felt safe. But was I?  I couldn’t help but wonder who else among this throng was casting a shadow of doubt. The thought of all of these defenseless people enjoying the evening oblivious to the risks made me wonder if my concern was futile.  It was definitely not misplaced.  Given the post-election polarization, it was as if a change in the political tide had awakened previously dormant hatred. The crowd control staff were more visible since the most recent nightclub attacks.  A security guard checked identification.  I think his presence was designed to calm any fears.  I wasn’t sure he’d be much of a deterrent against a determined terrorist; but was there really any way to stop a person who was willing sacrifice their future for the twisted belief that killing was not only noble but sacred?

Turning my thoughts away from wariness and back to the evening, I smiled at friends sharing the seating group.  The music drowned out any attempt at conversation.  Booth seating bordering the far end of the bar was perfect for conversation.  I made my way there to catch up with my besties.  My friends and I represent people of color, people of various nationalities and cultures, different preferences and identities, people expressing authenticity in the face of pockets of mounting bigotry, prejudice and discrimination.  We’re human and not really different from anyone outside our circles of friends.  People call us different, strange, unbelievable.  Yes, we’re not your grandfather’s generation, although we lived then, flying under the radar of public opinion.  We live, breathe, laugh, cry, celebrate and mourn.

Now, we’re no longer willing to subvert our authenticity for the sake of the minority.  Yes, it’s the minority that attempts to maintain the status quo; the gospel according to them.  We’re more than a compilation of unconventional.  We embody diversity and inclusion.  We’re the people that make diversity sing arias.  Lack of understanding and succumbing to biases and prejudice grease the skids of rejection, violence and hatred in the name of preserving the crumbling foundation of the old guard.  We fight for human rights because we’re human. We’re the people of the 21^st century.  Our activities, activism, advocacy, living in the open, all create opportunities for current and future generations to live in peace.  Consider the value of tearing down artificial emotional and intellectual walls that separate people.  Consider the wondrous opportunities to learn and teach.  Therein lies the opportunity; opportunities that present themselves every moment of every day.

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Nikki DiCaro is a freelance writer, advocate, speaker and trainer on unconditional equality, diversity and inclusion.  Her organization, DiCaro Consulting LLC, works with individuals and organizations to support diversity and inclusion.  You can find her at her website, on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.

The Bathroom Conundrum

The swirl of fog thickens when public perceptions and misconceptions rear their ugly head.  The issue of bathroom usage is one of those that perplexes and polarizes.  Fortunately, the polarization is less than certain corners of society are willing to acknowledge and accept.

For some, the matter is simply addressing a biological need.  For others, let’s call them the misinformed or the uninformed, the issue generates fear of the unknown, and maybe too much time in front of the television watching fictional accounts of life.

It’s time to lay out facts to enable understanding, allay fears and foster understanding.

Public restrooms are not meetup places.  They are not places people go to hook up.  When you use public facilities, watch the traffic flow.  You may be surprised to find most people are there because of the calling of the excretory system.  People are usually in and out quickly; not making eye contact, not striking up conversation and certainly not there for the sounds and odors of bodily function.

The uninformed and the fear mongers want birth certificates to be the passport to restroom use.  Let’s presume they get their way.  Will they install electronic access to restrooms?  How long will the transition to electronic access take?  What will be the phase in plan?  Will there be warning signs posted outside each of the facilities?  Will there be a separate portal on government websites? Will there be a Potty Czar?  Will that position be elevated to Cabinet level?  Will the government issue restroom access cards?  Will the cards be administered by the keeper of birth records?  Will this be a state or federal mandate?  Will a government infrastructure be built to hire, train and enforce restroom compliance?  Will we have another law enforcement group?  Maybe call them the potty police? Will there be bathroom monitors?  Who will vet them (background checks, federal child molestation checks, fingerprints, etc.). Who will pay for this added layer of security?  Will there be another tax added to the bill for food, clothing, etc.?  Who will police restaurants?  Will non-public facilities require a PPA (you can figure out the acronym) similar to the FDA?  Will there be surprise inspections?  Will there be a hotline for reporting suspected abuses and violations?  Will concerned citizens call 911 or will there be a new three-digit dialing sequence?  Will alarms be installed in restrooms similar to fire alarms?  Will video surveillance be installed?  Will there be live video feeds viewed at central monitoring stations?

Then there’s the issue of enforcement, penalties, fines, imprisonment, etc.  Will violators be arrested or will they be issued a written citation similar to traffic violations?  Will there be citizens’ arrests? Will they be afforded hearings?  Which courts will hear these cases?  Who will deal with the backlash when people are mistaken for the wrong gender?  Lawyers will have a field day with this one.

I lay out this Orwellian scenario to prove a point; transgenders have been using the restroom of their identified gender for many years; probably dating back to the first public restroom.  Life has been uneventful in the restroom, except for the occasional odiferous release and the sounds that we gladly relegate to such venues.  Suddenly someone awoke to the possibility that there may be nefarious events transpiring in public facilities.  The faulty reasoning has been shrouded in the veil of protection for our women and female children. 

Does anyone really believe men will dress as women, a hefty investment of time and energy, to commune with women in restrooms?  If you do, let me point out obvious things you are missing.  These people need to acquire a wardrobe, makeup, hair and accessories (an investment, storage and hiding places) in order to pass as female.  This is no easy task; just ask anyone who cross dresses.  These men masquerading as women, impostors, would need to dress up and venture out of their home or dressing area into the public eye.  To gain access to a restroom they would then need to run the gauntlet of people in these public venues.  They would risk being discovered by family, neighbors, friends, etc. all for the opportunity to enjoy the sights and sounds of the ladies’ room!

Sounds farcical, right? Wouldn’t pornography sites provide a safer alternative for these imagined perps?  Pornography is the most viewed subject matter on the Internet; and most likely not for its educational content.  Could the overwrought concern for restroom safety emanate from those yelling the loudest having an axe to grind over something in their personal lives?  They haven’t provided one scintilla of fact to support their worry; yet they drone on.

Keep in mind that a birth gender bathroom law will force transmen to use the ladies’ room.  I’m sure there’s nothing more calming to women than seeing a bearded and balding transman entering the ladies’ room.  Why would a cisgender need to dress as a woman?  What would stop a cisgender man from using the ladies’ room and claiming to be a transman?  If a transwoman wanders into the men’s room, won’t that raise suspicions that it’s really a woman seeking to curry favor with men?

We have important and vital issues to address in this country including, but not limited to: terrorism, racism, bullying, fiscal deficits, erosion of the family, unemployment, homelessness, murder, failing infrastructure, aging population with a faulty safety net, uninsured and uninsurable population, pollution, water shortages, etc.  Is restroom usage really one of the top thirty priorities or is this attack on transgender a reaction to inevitable societal change?  Unsure?  Then I recommend you do some light reading on the evolution of slavery, the eventual passage of Title VII, the Civil Rights Act, Title IX, the disenfranchising of the mentally ill and the substance use disorder population as well as every nationality that has come to this country.

Change is not easy for some.  Change is inevitable.  No government law, statute or mandate is going to stop people from doing what they do.  Don’t agree?  Spend a few moments reviewing how traffic laws have stopped violators; how murder statutes have stopped violent crimes, how the commandments have stopped murder, adultery, jealousy, greed and avarice.

Fighting change for some secret insecurity or the need to control what you don’t or won’t understand will only get you trampled by the constant march of societal progress.

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Nikki DiCaro is a freelance writer, advocate, speaker and trainer on unconditional equality, diversity and inclusion.  Her organization, DiCaro Consulting LLC, works with individuals and organizations to support diversity and inclusion.  You can find her at her website, on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.