Celebrating Diversity

Last night we celebrated a life event with a friend. We met at a restaurant in Virginia, on the outskirts of The District. The place was packed. The patrons ranged across the gender and nationality rainbow. As I observed the crowd I wondered how there could be such turmoil and upheaval over diversity and simultaneously this eclectic and diverse group could share common ground and enjoy each other along with the unconventional entertainment.

Make no mistake, the establishment broadcasts its unconditional embrace of diversity. Still, people came. The broadly diverse crowd expressed their diversity in every rainbow color imaginable. Still, people came. The entertainment was not Broadway content. Still, people came. And there was movement, conversation, dancing, laughter, food and drink. The atmosphere was electric with acceptance. It's times like these that stoke the embers of hope into the fire of resolve.

One of the takeaways from the evening was "The world can be a welcoming and inviting place if we live and let live, open our minds and hearts to the wonders of those unlike us yet so much like us in their humanity."

Let's get on with living and burying the hatchet of hatred deep in the ground in an unmarked grave. Come share the beauty of life in all its colors and dimensions. Discovering the beauty of others will enhance the beauty in your heart.

Copyright 2017 DiCaro Consulting LLC - All Rights Reserved

Impressions First?

We make impressions on people.  What is an impression?  An indelible mark.. or is it a temporary image that fades over time?  Either choice can be positive, negative or inert.  First impressions, the phrase that is used to the point of nausea, bears visiting.  You will never get a second chance to make a first impression.  Just as true, "we may never get the opportunity to make a second impression if the first impression is offensive."

Nikki!  Welcome back. Remember me; the voice with the questions? Where are you taking us today?

Sit tight and follow along.  Yes, I know, offensive is in the eye of the offended.  We can't please all of the people all of the time.  That does not grant us poetic license to run roughshod over detractors.  One goal should be to connect with as many people as possible through positive first impressions, enabling opportunities for follow on impressions.  Walk away from incendiary encounters.  It's the most expeditious way of derailing grief, hard feelings and the scars inflicted by the caustic acid of vitriol.  This is how we win friends and influence people while protecting our inner core.  It may sound like glad-handing or pandering; retreating in the face of battle.  Far from it if you are sincere in your approach to relationships.  Maybe we can look at it this way:

We all want to make positive, lasting impressions.  That should be one of the overarching goals when we enter the life of another.  Unless we've got a fatalist streak and we embrace failure like a warm and welcoming blanket of insecurity, we don't want to leave negative impressions with people.  Those impressions, which have a long shelf life, a longer half-life than plutonium and can overwhelm or distort impressions left by others, identify us.  That's right.  Your first impressions can positively or negatively impact my ability to be viewed positively.

So this is all on me?

We all share responsibility for advancing society to accommodate the changing human ingredients in the melting pot that is the United States.  Who we are should be important to you.  It's important to me.  I want people to want to be around me.  I want to be welcoming and welcomed.  I want to bust the bias.  Yes, I know that's not always going to be the case.  You can't make people do what you want them to do all the time. But you can persuade, influence, guide, nudge, etc.  People respond better to soft emotional touch.  Show your good side always.  Never force feed anyone your views or beliefs.  Never discuss politics or religion - these are two ignition points for negativity.  People own their opinion.  People are entitled to their opinion.  Debate fact, not opinion.  Be flexible in your approach.  The coppery aftertaste of an unpleasant encounter will unduly influence even the heartiest of constitutions.

Be the voice of reason; the voice of unity; the epitome of common sense.  We will all benefit from it!

Copyright 2017 Nikki DiCaro - All Rights Reserved

The Innocent Nightclub

The atmosphere was electric with anticipation. Music pulsed from hidden speakers, jarring the heart and vibrating the lungs. DJ churning fast-paced tunes; the dancers’ thirst unrequited. The dance floor undulated like anemone in the currents washing over a reef.  An occasional errant dancer bounced around as if the floor was glowing coals.  A typical Saturday evening at a local club brought together an eclectic gathering of revelers.  The bar was bustling; patrons double-parked, crowding the aisle between the restaurant and the piano bar.  In a separate room filled to capacity, the pianist played show tunes and patrons sang lustfully.

Dancers spilled out onto the veranda to cool overheated bodies. The typical weekend blowing off steam from the frustrations of the workweek was anything but typical.  Sitting in a rattan chair situated on the outskirts of the monolithic crowd I surveyed the activity.  Everyone was enjoying the evening without incident.  Men and women danced, together and in groups.  Everyone respected their tiny bastion of active space.  As bar patrons moved through the dance floor destined for the veranda, dancers parted kindly. This was a safe place; a place anyone could come to enjoy an evening of fun and conversation without incident.  No testosterone sprays; no overexposed bodies and no overt courting activities.  This was a place where the vocally endowed could showcase their capabilities before an admiring audience of friends and acquaintances.  A place where old friendships were rekindled and new friendships formed.

I like the place; frequented it. I felt safe. But was I?  I couldn’t help but wonder who else among this throng was casting a shadow of doubt. The thought of all of these defenseless people enjoying the evening oblivious to the risks made me wonder if my concern was futile.  It was definitely not misplaced.  Given the post-election polarization, it was as if a change in the political tide had awakened previously dormant hatred. The crowd control staff were more visible since the most recent nightclub attacks.  A security guard checked identification.  I think his presence was designed to calm any fears.  I wasn’t sure he’d be much of a deterrent against a determined terrorist; but was there really any way to stop a person who was willing sacrifice their future for the twisted belief that killing was not only noble but sacred?

Turning my thoughts away from wariness and back to the evening, I smiled at friends sharing the seating group.  The music drowned out any attempt at conversation.  Booth seating bordering the far end of the bar was perfect for conversation.  I made my way there to catch up with my besties.  My friends and I represent people of color, people of various nationalities and cultures, different preferences and identities, people expressing authenticity in the face of pockets of mounting bigotry, prejudice and discrimination.  We’re human and not really different from anyone outside our circles of friends.  People call us different, strange, unbelievable.  Yes, we’re not your grandfather’s generation, although we lived then, flying under the radar of public opinion.  We live, breathe, laugh, cry, celebrate and mourn.

Now, we’re no longer willing to subvert our authenticity for the sake of the minority.  Yes, it’s the minority that attempts to maintain the status quo; the gospel according to them.  We’re more than a compilation of unconventional.  We embody diversity and inclusion.  We’re the people that make diversity sing arias.  Lack of understanding and succumbing to biases and prejudice grease the skids of rejection, violence and hatred in the name of preserving the crumbling foundation of the old guard.  We fight for human rights because we’re human. We’re the people of the 21^st century.  Our activities, activism, advocacy, living in the open, all create opportunities for current and future generations to live in peace.  Consider the value of tearing down artificial emotional and intellectual walls that separate people.  Consider the wondrous opportunities to learn and teach.  Therein lies the opportunity; opportunities that present themselves every moment of every day.

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Nikki DiCaro is a freelance writer, advocate, speaker and trainer on unconditional equality, diversity and inclusion.  Her organization, DiCaro Consulting LLC, works with individuals and organizations to support diversity and inclusion.  You can find her at her website, on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter.